Wednesday, June 13

Goodbye Phoenix

The party's over.
Gene would tell you that the party was pretty rough.
From what I saw.... the party was scary crazy.

I wanted to blog along the way ~ through the surgery and recovery, etc. ~ but I was either too busy helping Gene, trying to find a minute to go eat, return a phone call, text or email, or take the dogs out to potty.
Oh, and sleep.
Ask our kids. They did not get phone calls ~ they had to rely on Facebook updates most days just like everyone else.

And then there was this other reason.
How to blog about something that is scary emotionally?
When the person you love and cherish is hurting so much.
Is what you are experiencing too personal to share?

It was great to have people with me for those days before and after Gene's surgery.
And I thought I was a big girl ~ independent ~ capable ~ strong ~ caregiver..... I could handle it all by myself when they left.  But, the fact of the matter was..... it was HARD.

Hard to watch the doctors as they tried to remove the breathing tube from his mouth/throat ~ taking two tries at bringing him out of sedation and the planets aligning just right before pulling it out.  I stood next to his bed trying to figure out what he was pointing at while his arms were restrained. I finally noticed his opposite hand moving ever so slightly. One finger spelling out words on a pillow.
C H O K E.
He was choking on the tube and wanting to be put back under sedation. My heart was hurting for him. Fortunately the tube was removed shortly afterwards.  One just never imagines.

Hard to leave his hospital room. Gene was ever so serious about me "not forgetting where I left him".  I knew it was paranoia from the anesthesia, but, I still felt bad for him being alone when I would leave to go eat (my escape time) or go back to the hotel to tend to the dogs.  I slept at the hospital all but the first night (he was sedated) and the last night (his pain meds were on track).

Hard to be on a two hour time difference than my friends and sister. But, think about it... hard to share things while sitting in the room with Gene. After all, it would be about him!!!

I WAS strong. And I was capable of most everything presented to me. I even think I was a good caregiver (and continue to be).  But not all days / nights were easy emotionally.  I was so thankful for social media. It at least gave us a way to connect with those back home and read that prayers were being lifted up for him/us. They were felt.

Goodbye Phoenix. The surgery was a success (we saw the MRI). Now the healing begins.

first sitting 
Since Gene had MRSA staff last year
 they wanted everyone to wear these! 

Incisions after going home

First walking