Thursday, May 23


( fer-giv )  verb ;  to grant pardon for or remission of an offense; 
absolve;   to cease to feel resentment against.

I am dealing with a 10 yr. long issue 

I am not good at quoting scripture on subjects, but I was taught that the Bible says if someone ASKS you for forgiveness, you shall forgive them.  That I can do. The gray area for me is when I am asked by OTHERS to forgive someone who has wronged me, while the person they are referring to thinks they have only spoken the their truth on the matter. 

There are many times when it is easy to forgive people. Even if they don't ask. Easy to excuse someone who is having a crappy day, or a bad situation at home/job and they hurt your feelings.  In fact, when my son was in school he complained that I always sided with those that he had issues with ~ I would try to explain away why they must have acted like that.  I was everyone else's cheerleader!  

So, when words were angrily spoken about me to my husband (that totally crossed the line), we chose to step away from that relationship to protect ourselves from further discord.  No one WANTS to live life totally avoiding a family member ~ each trying not to be in the same space at the same time.  The only thing in our favor was living several states apart already. 

Over time, different family members came to us, addressing our separation. We heard a lot of "that's just the way they are" and "be the bigger person". They encouraged us to meet with and forgive this person for the things that were said. Not because the person expressed that they wanted us in their life, but because everyone else thought it was the thing to do..... "for the family".  For all we know, the person is fine with the separation.  So..... why won't the other person come forth? It was our understanding that they felt that they were only speaking the truth about how they felt..... even saying "I am sorry you do not agree with me" and then later saying "I apologized" (are you kidding me? perfect example of someone who is very literal ~ always).  

So, here we sit, 10 yrs. later and other than a family wedding, we have not been around this person.  Our children (all grown) are welcome to have a relationship with them, but due to the distance there have not been many opportunities.  My question continues to be: How to resolve the situation enough to allow ourselves to be at future gatherings at the same time. I know that God does not expect me to be a doormat for others to wipe their feet upon nor want me to be judged by my peers. Clearly this person does not wish for me to be part of their family (based on the words they spoke), so how is it I should put myself in front of them?  Or not.